...where am I?

Just kidding. Almost. I know I'm somewhere between Paris and London, but where exactly I'm not sure. It's some ungodly hour, and I shouldn't be awake. I should be sleeping but I'm not. I'm too excited. There's too many things I have to let people in on.

The first, I am finally (two weeks beforehand) allowed to tell you about the tour I'm jumping on, on the 15th of October. That's right, if you follow Sodom & Gomorrah and/or Portside, then you KNOW which tour I'm talking about. Gabe is fucking lovely and has given little old me a chance to get my music to audiences bigger than I can get to on my own, I think. Check those dates out here. End of Summer Flowers (which if you haven't seen by now is made up of myself and some awesome dudes who can really play their instruments.) is on from October 15th to December 4th. I think most dates are sold out but if you can find a ticket, I wanna hang out!

The second! I'm in Europe! My younger sister Katie is with me, helping out with performances. She'll be on the tour too, helping me sing and probably showing me up because she's amazing like that. Anyway, we're doing crazy amounts of promo and I haven't even had time to check out what's online yet. Have I been looking okay? I feel like I've been lookin like such a scrub.

Third! NEXT WEEK. OCTOBER 6TH GUYS. THE FINAL FRONTIER DROPS. There's all kinda stuff goin on next week. CD release show in NY . I'll be hanging at HMV in Toronto, and at The Edge, and Much Music so if you're around you should do your best to come out. After that we're in California. On Tuesday, I'm definitely heading to a Best Buy to buy my own record. It's tradition, and something you just have to do when you've got a record coming out.

Fourth. There is no fourth. I love you guys. I'll see you soon. I got busted (I type too loud.) and now my tour manager is glaring at me the same way he glares at me when he catches me trying to eat cheese! I'm on a strict no dairy/no meat diet. Essentially a touring only vegetarian. Phoebe Hollingsworth would be proud.

I LOVE YOU.

Haven't washed in a week, I got nothing to eat. Those good times will always be apart of me.

I still have hope for us.

day two and day one.

Vomit seems to be the theme of this tour so far. Liam Rawn is vomiting, probably as I type this. I've vomitted twice, once everyday, after the set, mostly because I push myself to hard. We played at 5:15 on mainstage today. It was interesting. Warped in itself is interesting. The thing is, unless you have a lot of press to do, which we don't at the moment, you've got time. Lot's of time to sit around and do nothing, if you want to. And it's hot, it's fucking hot out there. Maybe that's just my Canadian blood.

The crowds have been amazing. Oh, Boston. I fucking love you so much. You too, Virginia Beach. Seriously? I was a little weary about being on mainstage, so I kicked it up a notch and honestly guys, even though people are coming to see us (lots of people...) I don't think I can kick it back down. The response has been absolutely amazing. I remember, very well now, why I even do what I do. You know? Fuck. I don't even have words.

There's lots of amazing things about Warped tour. One of them is all the nonprofits that come out to spread the word about some amazing causes. Today, I spent a couple hours near the beginning of the day in the Skate4Cancer tent just talking to people about spreading some knowledge around. It's probably nothing compared to the shenanigans you were hoping to read about (does anyone even read this..?) but I think it's a good thing. You know? I don't talk about this a lot. In fact, I don't think I've ever mentioned it in an interview or anything, but my dad had cancer when I was young. It's not something people know about. It was awhile ago now but it's still something I think about on a pretty regular basis. People don't know enough, I think, is part of my concern. It's something that's preventable, if you just take a second to learn about it. That said, please visit the Skate4Cancer website because they've got some good information that everyone should take a second to read about. Not to mention good music! If you're in Australia or New Zealand, you should especially check it out because Rob is skating through down there in the winter (summer, for you dudes!) and he could use all the support he can get, I'm sure! He's an amazing dude.

Other than that, I've been making good of my time with August Lame. It is precious. That is all I will say about that.

Random facts - Liam Rawn puked a lovely rainbow today and Lucy Davis amazes me with her mama bear skills. I already have a collection of eight or so warped tour water cans going on and I'm glad I packed as much as I did. I have a feeling this tour is going to fly by. I already don't want it to end.

Marten Culer quoted me on his blog.

Well, hell. Marten Culer (That's Kull-uhrr if you weren't aware.) quoted me on his blog. You can find it right here in case you needed the proof.

It's just after two in the morning and I'm in my bunk, laying oddly with my laptop on my chest, having an excellent conversation with the aforementioned man. It's times like these, the bus has gotten quiet and I'm getting excited that I guess I just realize how blessed I really am. I'm not sure I like that word in particular, but I know some really amazing people and I am just feeling super fortunate right now. Everyone definitely has rough patches, and I can't remember the last time I wasn't in one but maybe that makes them less rough and more normal. I almost feel as if I'm not quite making sense but that happens, doesn't it? I've just had a lot of things to think about lately. Not necessarily a bad thing, for sure.

I'm really excited for Warped. It's pretty much my favourite tour ever, even though I've already noticed from the three times I've hung out, that it's different. Something about it is different. Maybe it's the single main stage, or the fact that we had ten extra minutes to work into our set. The energy, however, is still the same. I think. We'll see. But my friends are out here, and there are bands that I'm stoked to try to see everyday for the next ten days. Sue me, I like to watch the same bands over and over again. Also, I miss catering. Not really the line, but the food. Warped Tour mac and cheese is the best. There's also something about the canned water that is absolutely charming.

I miss having a laminate hanging from my ass everyday. I'm stoked for touring in the fall. I'm stoked for you guys to hear my album. I'm stoked for life, in general. It's a good feeling. I'm not always this stoked. There are things that still get to me. Things that make me want to retreat into WoW because when I'm in there I'm not Jayda Barclay. I can't believe I just said that in a place so public but I'm trying out this honesty thing. I've been trying it out for months, but I tell lots of lies of omission. I still like my privacy a lot. It makes me angry when people don't respect it. When people don't respect it, it makes me wonder why people even care so much.

It's 2:38 am. It's quiet. That's my cue to go and keep George some company. (That's the name of our bus driver this time around. Bring me presents to give to him. He's a lovely man who's driven for us before. I know he will appreciate them.)

Goodnight. Expect daily Warped Tour blogs. I'm going to document my adventures. Have sweet dreams, guys, where ever you are.

this charming man.

"Martin Streek was the most charming dude I ever met."

No one could have said it better. I'm so sad right now, guys. This dude was so so so so good to my band, even when Josh and I were just these two fifteen year olds with an EP. He made me, at least, feel like I wasn't just a dumb fifteen year old trying to fit in where I didn't belong. This man and his passion are a huge part of why Barclay even managed to break out of downtown Toronto. I will always remember him with a smile on my face. He will forever charm me.

WARPED TOUR.

Guys, we pretty much begged Kevin Lyman to let us play Warped since we're rusty and really, we need another go. The summer isn't the same without it, so get stoked. We'll be in the following places, sluggin it out with the rest of em.

Tue 07/21/09 Comcast Center Boston, MA
Wed 07/22/09 Verizon Wireless Amphitheater Virginia Beach, VA
Thu 07/23/09 Verizon Wireless Amphitheater Charlotte, NC
Fri 07/24/09 Central Florida Fairgrounds Orlando, FL
Sat 07/25/09 Cruzan Amphitheatre Miami, FL
Sun 07/26/09 Vinoy Park St.Petersburg, FL
Tue 07/28/09 Lakewood Amphitheatre Atlanta, GA
Wed 07/29/09 Riverbend Amphitheatre Cincinnati, OH
Thu 07/30/09 Marcus Amphitheater Milwaukee, WI

Come see us play, thank you!

this is a new song.

I figured, since I played this the other night at The Avalon, that I could go ahead and post the studio version of it. I've been talking about making a record that wasn't a Barclay record for a long time now and I'm finally getting to do it. I really can't give any details on the whole thing yet, but it's going to be epic. For now, I've dubbed it End of Summer Flowers. Take from that what you will.

because as long as you're in love, you should be able to marry whoever you want.

thursday, may 28th. live at the avalon. one night only. all acoustic.
emmett kinsella of the walking dead
cam trevelyan and elijah maddock of the midnight train
chloe porter of sunday bloody sunday
garbo khiell
jayda barclay
evel vastakis of evel and the minions
danny palmer of the polar bear club
brady collins of sons of uisneach
giselle shearer
anne and harvey williamsen of black out
aubrey laine
jules jonsson of soundwave
bit rawn of swan song
gabriel rawn of sodom and gomorrah

special appearances by dorian prout, scout lang, marcus lang, and alex kinsella.

all proceeds from ticket sales and merch sales will go to http://couragecampaign.org

Thought vomit.

My apartment is awfully quiet tonight. It's really good to be back here, though, not that I mind being on tour even when it isn't my own. Being in Toronto just feels nice, you know? Home. It's an odd concept. For awhile, I didn't feel like I had one. I won't get into that.

I was united with a brand new blackberry today. Here's hoping that it doesn't end up in the back of a cab, with the numbers of my favourite people floating around the internet. I'm still trying to let that slide off of my back. There are a million angry things I could say about it but none of those things will help the situation. Let it boil down. Let the sparks fade. Put on your game face and smile like you're okay. Make your shell unbreakable.

I want to collect fireflies in mason jars. I want to run so far in a field so big and so full of wild flowers that it smells good. I won't even mind the buzzing of bees, even though I'm afraid of their sting. I want to enlist in Starfleet. I want to learn how to swim. It's true -- I can't. I want to sit and suck on a sour key while watching the x-files because Mulder, I miss you. I want to watch so much anime that when I sleep, I dream of people yelling at me in Japanese.

There are lots of things I want. Usually, they're different than the things I need. Tell me, how do you clear your head?

Out from under my rock...

Alright, so, here's the deal. I am very much alive. I just don't get nearly as much time to chill online the past couple of weeks, so it seems. I checked my email/myspace/any other place you guys can leave comments and things though and it appears you all think I'm dead in a ditch somewhere, or at the very least you're under the impression that I'm depressed as hell and wallowing in my apartment at home. Well, I'm alive and very much... not depressed! I don't have a lot to complain about. I sleep, not at night, but I sleep and I've been hanging out with two of my favourite people ever the past couple of weeks.

Anyway, as proof that I am infact alive, I come bearing... gifts, I guess. in pixelated form. Pretty, too, I should think. And you don't have to worry, I'm saving you all the displeasure of looking at my face.


This is... exactly what it looks like! I had to take a plane to get to Albuquerque when this tour started and on the way? Some of the clouds were looking particularly pretty, if I don't say so myself. I'm not a real good picture taker and I was trying to be sneaky. Don't they look like you want to jump in them and... nap? Seriously, dudes, I think clouds are magical. MOVING ALONG.

And when I got to Albuquerque, this is what I was greeted with. Also, August's smiling face. I'll spare you him, too. What I won't spare you, is a story involving August. And his lack of ability to drive in America. You see, Australians, Brits and... I'm not sure who else. They drive on the other side of the road. I never took this into account when it was August's first turn to drive what I like to call... The Beast. So, we're driving along and it's not going so bad, you know? I trust the dude enough to almost fall asleep. And so I'm sitting shotgun with my legs up (because they're short enough for that) and I'm chilled out. I haven't had any Redbull or any... performance enhancing drinks. Nearly asleep, like I said, when Laine turns the Beast into oncoming traffic, nearly killing us all. He's since been banned from getting behind the wheel. Oh, my, that's a good way to get out of driving duty, sir.

trufax: He called me mean for telling that story.


To be perfectly honest with you, I'm not sure in what order these go, but here is a picture of the Rocky Mountains. I'm not sure who took it, either, but it was on my camera and it is right pretty, so I thought you all should see? I can remember driving on this highway, and I can remember getting lost a little, because I'm not great at reading a map and driving at the same time. But, it's damn pretty so here it is. Enjoy, ladies and sirs.


Funny thing about Vegas! It is an entirely different world than the one I am used to. You know, there is no place else in the world like it. It makes me feel tiny, I won't lie. It's sort of magical, that is for sure. I showered in Vegas, this I remember. Also what I remember? Being carded four times before being allowed to chill by the roulette tables. Does anyone else love roulette? I fucking LOVE roulette. Man.


This, I am proud of. There isn't much to say except this is the mark I am leaving on this van. I hope everyone who rides in it remembers me because of the fantastic dashboard decorations. (Who doesn't love them some bobbleheads?)


Last one! This is San Fran. I like to sneak out after the show for supplies, I guess. I needed Redbull because I was driving, probably. Also, juiceboxes are an essential part of life. The point is, San Fran was freakin pretty too. You know? What more is there to say. Not much.

Anyway, the moral of the story is that I'm alive and life is good. I am on this tour and having such a freakin good time. It's an off day today, hence the longer than long blog post. I don't do this very often, but I'm in the mood now and I am waiting for the shower to be free so I had some time. You know?

Beanbag, signing off.

ps. This is my bed. I love it.

truth.

you are not a season.
you are my everything.

welcome home, ___ barclay.

help me name him?

homesick. version three.

homesick. version two.

homesick. version one.

christopher, the patron saint of travelers.

i had a conversation with an old man today. interesting guy. i don't know, no details. it was a just a good conversation outside of a record store. he gave me a little worn medal right out of his pocket and said to wear it around my neck. i wasn't sure what it meant, so i looked it up when i got back to where i'm staying. "st. christopher, protect us." it says. the internet tells me he's the patron saint of travelers. he will keep me safe when traveling and protect me from the bulbonic plague. it feels heavier in my hands, now that i know what it means, but it's a good heavy. i'm not really religious, but do you think he's still been protecting me?

This feeling is strange.

Things are slowing falling into place piece by piece. I know not everything will go the way I want, but for now, I am content with the way things are. There are things I can't do anything more about. I am, however, wondering how smooth is smooth sailing. Everytime I feel like this, another shoe drops. I'm not sure how many shoes there are hovering in the sky, waiting to fall and hit me square in the head, but I know that everytime I think there must not be any more... well, I'm always wrong. I'm expecting you this time, shoe. Wherever you are. I'm ready for you.

I have laundry to do.

To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure why I'm awake right now. It's ten am and in two days, one of my favourite people and I are hopping a plane to Paris. Yesterday, I flew home from Vegas where I got to spend time with one of my favourite faces ever. I have been seeing a lot of favourite faces lately. It's been nice, however, it's taken a toll on my body. I'm tired, but I can't sleep for reasons I won't talk about. Well, I suspect certain reasons. But, who knows for sure. I can barely keep track of what day it is, nevermind the endless stream of thoughts swirling around in my head.

I am not such a fan of home right now. Maybe that's why I keep leaving. Living in that van when I was sixteen ruined me. I can barely stay content in one place for a very long time. Maybe it is the place I'm not such a fan of, right this second. I am a firm believer in home being with people rather than in a place. Three of my most important homes are in a different countries, way too far from where I am.

I am counting down the days until I feel like I'm home again. The combination of you and you provides a wholeness that I've never even been able to begin to grasp at before.

New York is cold, but pretty.

I have never been a fan of this city. It always feels like it's too big for me. Toronto is different. There is something about it that feels like a small town. How that happens, I'm not sure. Maybe it's the fact that the downtown core isn't ridiculously massive, but there's that big old tower that does something to peak everyone's interest. I think, for the moment, I am feeling a pang of homesickness. This doesn't happen very often. I'm going to take the liberty of blaming my big brother for this, though. Home always comes up when we're talking - so does family, and the way I never seem to call home. Before next Christmas, he says. Before next Christmas, indeed.

Speaking of family. Granny Barclay strikes again. Well, sort of. This was taken over the holidays. I've said it before and I'll say it again - she is pretty much both the sweetest and scariest woman I know. And the best person to take bathing suit shopping with you. If you look good, she'll tell ya. If you look like a whore? She'll tell ya.


I'll let this one speak for itself:

I lost my voice today

bask in someone else's fame
live off of the family name
and who you are is all that matters
it's so hard being young today
dior ads and pink cocaine
you'll go far for doing nothing
in hollywood
every sunrise, you get so close
every sunset, an overdose
no one cares but everybody knows
everybody wants to be someone else

My head hurts.

Life always throws curve balls in your general direction, no matter who you are, or who you're with, or how happy or sad you are. Sometimes these curve balls are incredibly enjoyable. Sometimes they aren't. There is a rock sitting in my stomach at this moment in time. I'm not entirely sure why it's there or how heavy it's going to get, or how long it's going to be there.

Emotionless Barclay has emotions...

sometimes my world is magical. thoughts travel.

little toes and wiggly fingers. i can't believe you have a little person growing on your insides. i'm sitting here trying to think of words to say about what you gave me today. i'm grateful. if i can't figure out anything else to say, just let me say that. i know you haven't been the happiest with me lately, but you're still letting me be apart of one of the biggest things to ever happen to you, if not the biggest. thank you. i love you.

there are a million different kinds of love surrounding me, right now. and really, that's all that matters.

i hope that someday, when i say 'i love you' you don't think i'm lying to make you feel okay. i hope that when the words 'i'm sorry' leave my mouth, that you believe me.

the year is still brand new. i don't feel the need for resolutions. being better should not be reserved for the first two weeks out of a fifty two week long period.

i'm cold.